Father’s Day

England: 

No pie. No explosions. No patriotic flags or patriotic songs bursting in his ear. A small sigh of relief escaped as Arthur held the box closer and took out the card first. “You know, you didn’t have to.” He was still touched that he did. Finding it rude to look through any of the material gifts before reading the card, Arthur laid the box on his lap and opened the envelope. 

     On the front there was a crudely drawn ‘you tried!’ gold star, and inside the card read:

Yo bushy brows,
      So needless to say you were kind of a sucky dad. I mean what guy leaves a kid alone for years at a time in the forests? Alone? After telling them horrible stories about creatures that don’t exist? Alone? Then come back and say whoops here’s some new taxes for a war you had nothing to do with? Did I say that I was alone? Best parent of the year award for sure. At least I told you~ You tried and that’s what matters.
                                                                                 Happy Father’s Day,
                                                                                        Alfred F. Jones

      Needless to say he felt quite proud of it.